Mike Huckabee thinks you're dumb.

If you're pressed for time, allow me to summarize my feelings on fmr. Gov. Huckabee. Huck (as I like to call him) is trying his hardest to convince people that conservative values are the right ones. In the process he says really offensive things in a really polite tone in an attempt to fool you. He thinks you're an idiot.

Huck just wrote a book, and is therefore, on a book tour. I've caught a few of his interviews and was instantly reminded of how much I dislike him. In each interview the subject of gay marriage has come up. This seems to be the most contentious right now; probably because of the Prop 8 fiasco. He has a really interesting (and moronic) way of responding to the totally valid point that gay marriage doesn't hurt anyone, and he comes off as patronizing. His first argument is on the basis of definitions.

Seriously, he just blathers on about how we shouldn't be changing the definition of marriage. My response is, "why the hell does it matter?" Definitions change all the time. What is this, some sort of language worship? But when he says "definition" I think he means "biblical definition". In order not to sound too preachy, he carefully avoids this phrase. There are a lot of things that were acceptable in biblical times that are not appropriate now, and vice versa. He's talking down to people with this. Why would he think that definitions are a reason to deny someone equality? When this gets old he moves on to, what must be, the lamest argument. Chromosomes.

He always starts this line of reasoning talking about how humans have 46 chromosomes. He does this to sound smart. What he's getting at is the classic argument that marriage is for procreation. It was laughable the first time I heard it, and it still is. My wife and I have no plans to have kids... are we not allowed to be married? What if someone is sterile? This argument just doesn't make sense to me. This seems like a well masked "tab A, slot B" obsession. I can almost see him yelling, "THEY JUST GO TOGETHER!" And what about transgendered people? Are they allowed to marry someone of the opposite physical gender, but same genetic gender? Will Huck be checking their genitals just to make sure?

Above: This is either the cover of Huck's new book, or it's a cunning photoshop... your call.

This whole argument shouldn't even be happening. Denying marriage to gay people is discrimination, plain and simple. To mask it behind some sort of congenial business-like discussion seems even more insulting... if that's possible. Just imagine Huck walking up to you and saying, "So, just so you're aware we're gonna go ahead and deny you some rights. Don't worry about it though, it makes more sense this way."