The Internet Libertarian

Of all the organisms in the world one of the most baffling is the internet libertarian. It has unique behavior, habitat, nutritional requirements, and reproduction.

Habitat:
To put it simply, the internet libertarian is a wily creature. It can often be found lurking in forums and commenting on Digg. Depending on the political climate it may go into hibernation for years at a time. Some specimens have been observed deep in the blogosphere. It is believed these individuals are engaged in some sort of ritual worship that shall be discussed later. The internet libertarian is also known to be comfortable on various social networking sites where they can mingle with their own kind. Many specimens have also been seen in ECON 101 classes. Conspicuously, they seem to find higher level classes inhospitable.

Social Interaction/Worship:
The internet libertarian has a distinctive call. If you briefly scan Digg comments you'll see it: "Ron Paul '08!". The internet libertarian is a simple creature and is unable to adapt to change very quickly. Despite Rep. Paul's inability to win, many internet libertarians cannot cope. This leads me to the ritual worship I discussed earlier. It seems clear from careful observation that most internet libertarians have begun to consider Rep. Ron Paul their god. Many specimens seem to spend a great deal of time in the blogosphere praising their deity. This is also a point of congregation for the internet libertarian's group activities as they are unable to leave the safety of the internet.

Suggesting that the federal government has a role to play in offering social services and benefits in the presence of the internet libertarian triggers a remarkable behavior. This is known as the "pseudo-patriotic rant". The individual is likely to puff out the chest and proclaim themselves to be the only real patriots. This is followed by a series of poorly worded complaints about the size of the government. This usually end with the distinctive call, "Ron Paul '08!"

Nutritional Requirements:
As a whole, the species relies on an all liquid diet consisting of the tears of uninsured children and minorities. Their opposition to government programs of any sort seems to be an attempt to secure a future supply of liquid nourishment.

Reproduction:
The internet libertarian is an opportunistic breeder. They appear to be able to produce offspring with Homo sapiens as well as each other. Research indicates that the offspring from a human/internet libertarian union begin human but over time are molded into young internet libertarians. This process is not a certain success.

So in conclusion, the internet libertarian is truly a remarkable species. The reason for much of their behavior is still a mystery. Many naturalists feel that they are an evolutionary dead end (this author being no exception). Still others feel that they may, in fact, be a subspecies of Homo sapiens. Most reputable researchers dismiss this suggestion out of hand. Nevertheless, their behavior gives excellent queues on how not to act.